I have always loved the term ‘Drama Queen’ – it always makes me think of Mae West dramatically throwing her feather boa over her shoulder and strutting out of the room while all eyes are glued on her departure.
What I DON’T love is the presence of a Drama Queen in my life daily.
Occasionally, male or female Drama Queens can be fun simply because of their high entertainment value. For example, I used to have a (somewhat) close friend who loved to cause scenes with her boyfriends in public places. Arguments would end with a drink thrown in her current beau’s face or a salad dumped on his head, which, depending on whether or not I liked the ‘boyfriend du jour,’ could be pretty amusing…..for about 20 seconds. Then the embarrassment seeped in, and I wanted to crawl under the table.
But notice that this is a former friend….the truth is that living with a person who has to be the center of attention is tiring constantly. It wears you down, and to put it bluntly is simply exhausting to everyone around them.
The term Drama Queen implies that this is a female ‘thing,’ but it is not – Drama Kings are every bit as common as their female counterparts. The tactics may differ slightly, but the result is still the same – a drama with the Drama King at everyone’s attention.
Often, it may seem to the observer of these dramas that the Drama Queen/King is driven by ego, but the truth is that the drama is more often a symptom of low self-esteem. Many are the product of self-involved or narcissistic parents and act out as children, trying to get their parents’ attention or to prove that they matter.
They feel unloved and inadequate, and every new drama they create is an attempt to get compassion, sympathy, and, most importantly, attention from anyone and everyone in their lives at any given moment, so they act out.
The problem is that these dramas exhaust everyone involved and eventually drive their friends and family away, the exact opposite of the effect that they are hoping for.
Unfortunately, there is little that you can do to change a Drama Queen or King. Their issues are rooted in their personal histories, and until they decide to take the needed steps to deal with their past, the best course for you is one of self-preservation: if the Drama Queen is a friend – you need to decide if the friendship is worth the toll the drama takes on you.
If not, then walk away, and don’t look back.
If the Drama Queen is a family member…the same approach is advised, but walking away may be more difficult depending on your circumstances. But it would help if you were still proactive by controlling the time spent with this person and the circumstances.
But, whether friends or family, put yourself first. Control your response, don’t participate in their drama, and don’t put yourself in the middle of it, if possible.
Stay neutral, and above all, don’t let yourself get sucked into their play. By giving zero attention to their behavior, they will usually move on to their next target, leaving you with tremendous peace.
