Back Home Again – Recovery Mode
As much as we may dread the holidays, for many of us, the time after is just as bad, if not worse. When you are self-employed, especially if you are an internet based business owner, you spend a lot of time alone. It can be a very solitary existence even though we spend all day online, since a lot of our interactions are via email or skype, rather than face to face. There is no water cooler chat with colleagues at break time, no one to share the holiday war stories with. Instead, it is easy to sit in your pajamas, and brood, to replay every conversation over and over, with the ‘I shoulda saids’ of hindsight’s 20/20 clarity. But what really makes this damaging for the entrepreneur is that we don’t have a boss to tell us what to do. There is no one standing over us to make sure the job is done, no Monday morning sales meeting to get our blood fired up and motivated to make our quota. We are it. No matter what happens, we have to pick ourselves up, dust off our tush, and hit the keyboard again. We have to stroke our own ego and provide our own motivation. And that can be hard to do when you’ve just come home from visiting the relatives, even the well-meaning ones, because we are living outside of their box. We are not only coloring outside the lines, sometimes we are drawing those lines ourselves. Whether they understand what we are doing or not, we need to always remember why we started on this path, and how much we enjoy what we do. Here’s 4 great ways to get back in the productive mode after family time: 1) Layout your work for the next 60 days. If you are an affiliate marketer, fill your calendar with the upcoming launches you want to market, and start your campaigns. If you create products to sell, brainstorm enough product ideas to keep you busy for the next 60 days. 2) Call your friends and get out of the house. Do some things outside of your comfort zone, instead of the usual things you do. It will be good for all of you! 3) Increase your physical activity. Head to the gym or go for a hike, as long as it is enough to get the mood boosting endorphins going. 4) Vent. Take all of those shoulda saids and put it down on paper. As nasty as you want to be, don’t hold back. Now throw it away and be done with it. Stop worrying about the family’s reaction to your business and your lifestyle, and move past your reaction to their reaction! It may not be their choice, but it IS yours, and you can’t afford to sit around and worry about them and their small-minded and limited view of the world. You have a business to run, things to do and learn and create. Take a deep breath and enjoy being home…..working in your pajamas. Image Courtesy of Pixabay • mindful_art / Pixabay
Don’t Pack For The Guilt Trip
There was a time when generations of families lived in the same cave, making going home for the holidays a ‘no-brainer.’ But it did not take long for people to start exploring new lands, and moving away from Mom and Dad became the norm rather than the exception. Today, people move many time zones away from their familial home for many reasons: jobs, love, an itch to see new places, etc. But many of us needed to put some mileage between us and the family. We get along much better in small doses, preferably by phone or email, with an occasional FaceTime. That doesn’t mean that we don’t love our parents….but the truth is that there is a reason that we live a 5-hour plane trip away, making casual visits pretty much impossible. Unfortunately, we often try to forget this reason when the holidays come around, and we see our friends excitedly making plans to head home. We feel like something must be wrong with us and that we have no desire to spend hundreds of dollars fighting the traveling herds to head home. And the guilt starts to sink in…there must be something wrong with me that I don’t want to go home to see my family. It’s the holidays, and I should be home with my family, right? RIGHT?? No, not suitable unless you WANT to be home with your family. You’re an adult now, and you have a right to spend time with the people you WANT to spend your time with. It would help if you never spent time with ANYONE – whether they share your DNA or not – unless you want to. Instead of feeling guilty about not going home for the holidays, sit down and list the good and bad memories you have from your last visit home. Be honest. Be brutal. Two critical questions: How much do you dread going home? How long does it take to recover your sense of self-worth? How long does it take to return to your regular workflow when you get home? These are critical issues for the entrepreneur: we usually have no one but ourselves to answer to and no one but ourselves to keep us motivated. If your family disapproves of or denigrates your core means of supporting yourself – how does that impact you when you have to deal with it in person? You may be better off, emotionally and financially, by not going home for the holidays. A short visit after the first of the year, when the expectations are lower, and the stress is less, may be healthier for all involved. But as we all know – making the decision is only one small part of the process. Calling home and facing the ensuing guilt trip is the most significant part where most of us cave. I admit to resorting to the end-of-the-year work crunch (crazy clients, new clients, last-minute changes) simply because it is easier than revealing the truth – I simply don’t want to be there with them. But the point is, I have decided to stop feeling guilty about it. I moved away from home for a reason – daily contact with my family is unsuitable for me, my self-esteem, or my business. Instead, I enjoy the holidays with my friends (there are more people like us than you may think!), doing what I want to do instead of what I feel obligated to do. It’s become a time of regeneration, self-care, and renewal rather than recovery and self-doubt, as it was for most of my life. So stop packing that suitcase…no guilt trip this year, ok?
Surviving The Visit Home: Setting Realistic Expectations
One of the critical characteristics of successful entrepreneurs is that we tend to be optimistic. We see what others might call a failure as an opportunity to learn. When others give up, we forge ahead. We have blinders on when it comes to being distracted from our goals. This inner drive keeps us from giving up when things get tough and helps us stay focused even when working alone. It’s what makes us entrepreneurs. That same drive also makes it difficult for us to give up on our families, no matter the difficulties we have had. We keep trying, and we keep going home in the hope that things will eventually get better: Mom will suddenly see me for the good and successful person that I am, Dad will understand what I do for a living and be proud of me, my brother will go an entire evening without insulting me, and my sister will honestly remember my partner’s name for the first time in 5 years. As the old saying goes, ‘Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly, expecting a different result.’ It’s the same when dealing with your family. Hopeful expectations are great, but we need to temper them with reality. If these things have not happened in the past, they are not likely to happen this time either. They may never happen. Instead of hoping for changes that are not likely to occur and then dealing with the anger and frustration afterward, why not adjust your expectations? Accept that your Mom will never quite understand that you are 32, not 12 and that your dad will still try and get you to apply for a job at the Post Office. Shrug off your brother’s insults as the result of jealousy or idiocy, whichever you prefer, and maybe it’s time to acknowledge that your sister is just not that bright. It happens in the best of families. Here are five tips for coping with expectations of the ‘perfect’ visit home: 1) What part of the event is the most problematic? Is there any way to lessen the time spent on this activity? 2) Are there certain relatives that are the critical friction points? Is there any way to minimize your interaction with this person? 3) How much time do you need to spend with the family? 4) You already know what the conversational hot buttons will likely be. Come prepared with some ‘canned’ responses so you are not caught off guard. By responding calmly, rather than emotionally, to their jabs, the balance of power shifts in your favor, putting you in control of the outcome. When the desired emotional response is not forthcoming, it’s pretty likely your offensive relative will find a new source of amusement. 5) Smile—a lot. Act happy to be there and happy with yourself. It’s tough for others to shoot you down successfully when you are in such a good mood. And trust me – this is one of those things that if you fake it long enough, it becomes real. So paste that smile on your face when you wake up at the old homestead, and don’t let it drag down to a frown. Ever. No matter what you do, you can’t change what your family does, but you can change how you react and control how it affects you. Control what you can, and the rest? Let it go and move on.
Create The Family You Want
The Perfect Family, that myth from 1950s TV and Norman Rockwell paintings, has probably sent more of us into therapy than all of the Halloween movies ever made. I think there are probably more unicorns around than Perfect Families. And you know what? I am okay with that. For those who left the corporate world and have created our paths, it’s not been an easy journey, but it has been necessary for our survival and personal happiness. Unfortunately, it has also been a journey that alienated many of us from our families. Fathers who slaved away for decades in an office or menial job to support the family were never happy at their work but fulfilling their ‘obligation’ to support the family. Mothers stayed home, doing laundry, cooking, ’keeping house,’ and being there for the children. When you were growing up, your parents probably told you that you could be anything you wanted in life…what went unsaid was ‘as long as it is exactly what we did with our lives.’ The problem is that many of us did exactly what we wanted with our lives: we went out and started businesses, did our ‘own thing,’ and built happy and prosperous lives along the way. And they woke one day to realize our parents disapproved of us! Sometimes, it’s because your family doesn’t understand what you do, but sometimes, it’s because we dare to go out and do what we want – and they did not. By taking that risk, we challenge them and their choices, and they don’t like what they see. Rather than put up with the thinly veiled insults from relatives who honestly have no idea what you do (or that you are paying more in taxes than they earned last year), ditch the traditional family and create your own. No, I don’t mean sitting around the table with many inflatables. What I do mean is to start thinking differently about what family IS. Is it people that an accidental sharing of DNA relates to you – or is it the people who honestly care how your day went? The people that you call first to share the successes – or bombs – of your business, or the calls that you let go to voicemail when you see their caller ID? The people that you look forward to seeing on Hump Day or the people that make your heart sink as you walk up the path to their front door? You don’t have to be related to be family. Family is what we make it, the relationships we create and nurture, and nurturing us in return. The family adds warmth, comfort, and a sense of well-being to every aspect of our lives. It is the backdrop for our joy, sadness, successes, failures, and everything. But what it should not do is undermine our sense of self, destroy our beliefs, or ridicule our goals. We should not have to defend our every decision and lifestyle endlessly. But for too many entrepreneurs, this is the case, and the chasm it creates between our ‘blood’ family and ourselves is very often too vast to cross. The solution? Look around you! As entrepreneurs, we tend to attract others of a like mind who see nothing wrong with a commute that ends at the espresso machine in your kitchen or that you worked until 3 am yesterday. Or that you worked in PJs most of last week. It’s what we do, who we are, and most importantly, who we want to be. Embrace it. Enjoy your friends, and realize that THIS is your best family. Skip the stress of worrying about going home for the holidays – reach out to your friends and start new holiday traditions with the family you create yourself. Share the food and fun – even if you don’t share the DNA 😉
Facing Depression Head On
Are you always feeling under the weather? Are you always not in the mood to be around others and have a good time? If you’ve been suffering from prolonged sadness for quite some time now, you should face these bouts of depression and get yourself diagnosed by a psychiatrist, and they’re doctors who can help you out with your problem. Depression or prolonged sadness is quite common in the United States; around 9.5 percent of the American population suffers from this illness. However, not all of them get to be treated; thus, depression and its ill-effects continue to be a burden to some individuals. This illness may seem quite simple to treat, but it takes more than a bit of cheering up to cure depression. Constant visits to a cognitive behavior therapist are a must, and handling all the prescribed medicines that the doctor will ask the patient to take – none of these strictly come cheap. Still, the amount of suffering that a person is going through because of depression is enough reason for others to start taking notice and face depression head-on. Depression frequently can quickly get in the way of an individual’s daily activities and normal functions; one’s zest for life can quickly and easily dissipate due to depression. And in place of an individual’s sunny disposition is more or less a person who hates themself, has no self-confidence, is trying to isolate oneself from the world, and just not caring about living anymore. By seeing the individual grow through such rough patches, basically not caring about anything or anyone anymore, it’s highly likely that not only will depression one’s relationship with one’s self but with his or her loved ones too. More so, a person suffering from depression isn’t the only one who’s going to suffer from this destructive illness; their loved ones are sure to follow suit. Fortunately, depression can now be cured, especially when diagnosed early; depressed individuals can be treated through therapy and medication; although it may be a bit costly, a person’s good mental health shouldn’t be scrimped on. Cognitive-behavioral talk or interpersonal talk are just some of the available psychosocial treatments that cognitive behavior therapists can offer to their patients; both produce fruitful and positive results. Still, people tend not to recognize depression even if it’s right before their eyes; being honest with oneself is key to being able to cure such an illness. Never overlook the various symptoms; depressed individuals often exhibit uncharacteristic behaviors such as suddenly lacking interest in one’s hobbies (or other stuff that he or she usually enjoys), sleeping too much or actually aren’t able to get some shut-eye, suddenly becoming anti-social, talks a lot about death or being a worthless person. There are actually a lot more other symptoms but in case these already fit in your category or of someone that you know of, go to a reputable psychiatrist at once in order to see if the depression is still at an early stage or not. From here you’ll be able to assess how the treatments will actually go. Depression shouldn’t be something that people fear, instead, people should just start taking charge of their lives and actually face this illness and fight it. Life is too beautiful a gift to waste and if one will spend the majority of his or her life just moping around about every single little thing then what kind of life would that be? Depression may not kill one’s body but it’ll certainly kill one’s spirit if you’ll let it. Don’t be a victim.
Finding the Proper Depression Treatment
Depression or prolonged sadness is quite common in the United States; around 9.5 percent of the American population suffers from this illness; however, not all of them get to be treated. Thus, depression and its ill-effects continue to burden some individuals. This illness may seem quite simple to treat, but it takes more than a bit of cheering up actually to cure depression. Constant visits to cognitive behavior therapy are a must, and take all the prescribed medicines that the doctor will ask the patient to take – none of these exactly come cheap. Still, the amount of suffering that a person is going through because of depression is enough reason for others to start noticing and face depression head-on through the various depression treatments available today. Depression frequently can quickly get in the way of an individual’s daily activities and normal functions; one’s zest for life can quickly and easily dissipate due to depression. And in place of an individual’s sunny disposition is more or less a person who hates themselves, has no self-confidence, tries to isolate oneself from the world, and does not care about living anymore. More so, a person suffering from depression isn’t the only one who will suffer from this destructive illness; his or her loved ones are sure to follow suit. By seeing the individual grow through such rough patches, basically not caring about anything or anyone anymore, it’s highly likely that not only will depression one’s relationship with one’s self but with his or her loved ones too. But this shouldn’t really pose such a problem since people who suffer from depression are lucky that there are all sorts of depression treatments that can be used to aid an individual through having sound mental health. Depression treatment starts with the patient openly acknowledging his or her illness, by just being honest with one’s self, it’ll be a lot easier not only for the doctor but for the patient most of all, to cure depression and find an appropriate depression treatment for them. From various medications (like Zoloft antidepressant depression treatment) to all sorts of psychotherapies promising to be the best depression treatment. The patient, as well as their family, are sure to get the best, positive results from these depression treatments. Psychotherapy, a popular type of depression treatment actually includes short-term therapy sessions, usually from ten to twenty weeks promising to actually be able to make positive results for the depression patient. This type of depression treatment actually helps the individual by slowly making them to actually open up about their feelings, the root of their problems, and more so, the root of their depression. Healthy verbal exchanges between the cognitive behavior therapist and the depression patient is a great depression treatment that’ll positively affect the depression patient by helping him or her discuss and talk about whatever they’ve been keeping inside. Various medications that are available for depression treatment are actually great for helping the depressed patient to regulate his or her mood swings, actually help him or her sleep better, and as well as be more pleasant towards others.
The Tell-tale Symptoms of Depression
People who may be suffering from depression or manic disorders exhibit or show each kind of symptom of depression that doctors will tell you that depressed people have. Sometimes it’s pretty easy to overlook such signs and not be able to help oneself or others who are suffering from depression. There are a lot of symptoms of depression that depressed people may possess, but they don’t have to suffer from every one of them before you help them get diagnosed and be treated for this illness. Also, since symptoms of depression vary, the time of their “attacks” goes as well. Here are some common examples of symptoms of depression: A prolonged period of sadness or not feeling “up to it,” who are constantly feeling not in the mood, who’d rather mope around the house and feel sorry for themselves, is the best example of depression. Feeling hopeless, perennial pessimist: speaking of feeling sorry for oneself, another common symptom of depression is when a person feels like they have nothing to look forward to in their life. As for being the perennial pessimist, those who show this symptom of depression are usually very negative about things; again, the feeling of hopelessness comes into mind. Guilt-driven, loss of self-worth, and helplessness: other symptoms of depression that can be easily seen in people who prefer to mope around all day long are. Whenever a person feels so guilty over something, that makes one an unfortunate person who feels like they don’t deserve to be happy, thus, the loss of self-worth, if that person feels like they aren’t worthy of being happy or enjoying one’s self then that, ‘s clear tell-tale symptom of depression. Helplessness also contributes to being depressed; when assuming that things won’t simply go your way, it’s already a clear saying that you have absolutely no hope in your body at all. Isn’t interested in finding or taking pleasure; just dropping the hobbies as well as the other things that one used to enjoy: this tell-tale symptom of depression shows how depressed a person can be if one is too sad to take pleasure even in the very things that one loves then that person is seriously lacking something. Instead, that person might well have caught the depression bug. Fatigue, constantly tired: people suffering from depression, since they’ve lost whatever interest in life that they may have had before, lack physical energy at all times, if one would prefer to mope around, probably won’t even eat not get enough sleep, a depressed person may well be on their way to not just a mental illness, but depression can be terrible for one’s physical health as well. Having trouble concentrating, having a bad memory, and being indecisive: a person suffering from depression quickly gives away these symptoms of depression. Wherein one’s lack of interest regarding the outside world or for just about anything can lead to that person’s inability to lose track of things and not be able to remember things that happened or what other people said. Lack of interest makes depressed people very inattentive. More symptoms of depression can help you see if a person (or you) needs to be brought to the doctor to get some help when comes depression: lacking sleep, sleeping too much, or waking up at the wee hours of the morning are all symptoms of depression (if it happens daily), appetite loss, as well as overeating, may show one’s lack of enthusiasm for life. Be wary of sudden weight loss or weight gain in those around you. Being suicidal, talking about death, about wanting to die is another clear indication that that person is depressed. They were restless and irritable, and physical symptoms usually brought about by poor mental health such as headaches, digestive disorders, and various body pains.
Fog of Depression
During March, I had blog posts pending my planning and goal tools for individuals with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and ADHD, Inattentive, formally ADD. The month started in the typical Iowa fashion, cold weather, hibernating in the house, and usually counting down the day to my birthday bash. I was struck down with a cold, full-blown fever, body aches, and sore throat. I spent as much of my time curled up on the couch, living off of crackers and lemonade. The boys would get home from school, and I would push them to play and entertain their sister while I fell back into my blanket coma. After a few days, when I was over the hump and was able to stay vertical for a few hours, I had to tackle the house. With thin patience and lingering ickiness, I was bombarded by “the house” with a rambunctious three-year-old sharing her excitement for the world with me. (So energy vampire, no, I joke.) There was stuff everywhere, cooked food left out, uncooked food left out, dirty dishes hidden in the pantry, dirty dishes filling the dishwasher, filling the sink. Everywhere I turned, any chore that the boys had been responsible for in the last three days had not been taken care of. The bathroom had a strange mixture of clean clothes, dirty clothes, and a load of clothes left in the washing machine. (Which usually comes with a funky smell within a few days.) I was the bumblebee cleaner, grabbing dirty socks from the living room, taking them to the bathroom and seeing the bathroom mess, restarting the washing machine, and cleaning out the dryer, grabbing spoons from the bathroom (yes, spoons in the bathroom. WHY!) and taking them to the kitchen, walking into something sticky on floor noticing its in desperate need of a cleaning. Back to the bathroom from the broom and mop. Around the house, around the house. After finally hitting my peak of annoyance and energy level, the house was still not up to my subpar level of cleanliness. A few days later and finally felt back to normal. It was time to deep clean the house, so I did. I was cleaning the carpets and wiping down the walls. When I finished, I still didn’t feel settled. I was chatting to a good friend of mine later in the day, just telling our weekly stories of life, and I kept saying after my cold, I just haven’t felt ok. Maybe I was feeling cabin fever or a bum for not leaving the house in a few weeks. I realized months ago I broke a few nails, so I decided to take my nails off for a new set. Then I never went; I didn’t feel emotionally able to go or feel like there was any time. I realized it had been almost four months. Now, any reader can think, “Oh no, not the fake nails; how does she live?” However, those who know me know I have gotten my nails done with acrylic or dip every month, 24/7 since I was 17. Between anxiety and thin nails, I have never been able to grow my nails. So having nails is my signature; it is what makes me feel confident and comfortable. If I haven’t taken a break in 23 years, taking my nails off and not getting a new set for months is out of character. I didn’t notice it. Then after, my friend straight said that is weird. Are you sure you aren’t depressed? Then it brought back the standard emotional test your GP gives you. Have you been able to enjoy hobbies that generally brings you happiness? Oh, oh. No. Crap. I like to believe as a person that has battled anxiety and depression; I try to keep a tight leash on my emotional wellbeing. This funk has slowly taken over my life. I realized I didn’t even plan my birthday bash, which should have been a trip to Las Vegas. I didn’t even look into tickets or childcare, and I blanked it off. My birthday consisted of waiting for the kids to get home from school and us going out to dinner. I didn’t even spend time with my friends or the rest of my family. I took stock further. I don’t wear makeup, get dressed up, or even have tattoo appointments anymore. I didn’t spend time with my sister on her birthday—just days on days of blah. My time spent indoors went from cooking, creating, and watching tv downstairs to just sitting on the couch or laying in bed day after day. I have let depression creep into many realms of my life, my relationship with my children, my business, and my day-to-day expectations of myself. I understand there are many factors at play here, two home businesses, the year of homeschooling, and the pandemic. There are many reasons to relax all the hoopla of the social contract and self-imposed beauty standards. I hope if any reader has gotten to this point and realized you are feeling the same, please reach out to friends and family. Speak to your doctor. I spoke to my therapist and reached out to friends and family, admitting yes. I am sorry I haven’t been there for you either. I am feeling depressed. It is not just the seasonal bump in the road. It’s a little deeper than that. I started scheduling more out-of-the-house appointments and walking. A little more getting into getting dressed and getting some vitamin d. With steps to get on medication if the fog doesn’t start to dissipate. So yeah, I hit my point. I am depressed; I am in a funk. I need to make some changes to get myself back where I want to be.
3 Things To Do Before End of 2021
Before you start wearing your holiday hat, there are a few things you could do before the new year. Pull out your journal right now and complete these 3 activities within the next 10 mins. 1) List down your 3 highlights of 2021. Something that is worth remembering, something that makes yourself proud, something that happens because you’ve put that effort in, something that makes you smile. Question to ask yourself: What are 3 things I have done right in the last 12 months? 2) List down 3 challenges of 2021. Something that you can make better, something that challenges you. Question to ask yourself: What are 3 things I can do better in the last 12 months? 3) What are 3 things you want to make happen in 2022? Your goals, your dream, Is 2022 your year? Question to ask yourself: If 2022 is my year, what are 3 things I must make it happen? What type of person would I become? And I challenge you to leave a short comment about your 3 things in the Comment session of this article. For me: Highlights are: Set up my own life coaching courses- Face my fears Spending more quality time with my kids. Hitting my goal weight and stayed there a year. Challenges are: Heavily weighing the opioions of others against my own self-knowledge. Donation to charity. I didn’t donate as much time or monetary value as much I could and wanted to. Focus and concentration: Too many irons in the fire. My 2022 Another Course Launch. Focus on my love life. Knowing my purpose gives me the focus and energy to move on. How about yours? Happy Year Ending 2021 Manifest in the Midwest
