“By the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” (Williams, 2005, p. 17).
Today was a day, not a great day, not a horrible day, but a rough day. This morning when grabbing Seraphina from her room, it was a wreck like normal. (She is two and has a toddler bed; she is able to come to my room and her older brother’s room when she gets up. For the most part, she ends up playing with her toys.) This morning she grabbed all her books from her bookshelf. She took her copy of The Velveteen Rabbit and ripped the jacket to shreds. My first reaction was anger. I grabbed the pieces showing them to her, “You can’t rip up your books, you hurt your books!” I was annoyed; this was an unnecessary mess, this will cost me money to get a new book, and I was sad just because I love books. My son popped his head in right mid-tirade and Seraphina started crying and ran to his leg. Oh great now I am a monster too. He laughs and shakes his head and starts picking toys up off the floor. When I get to the books and start placing them back on the shelf I find The Velveteen Rabbit. She only got the book jacket, not the book. Whoo.. Now the guilt rolls in. I bring the book with me downstairs. After breakfast, I put Seraphina on my lap and read her The Velveteen Rabbit.
The classic children’s book The Velveteen Rabbit follows the life of a stuffed bunny, made of inexpensive fabric and filled with sawdust. The bunny arrives in a well-to-do little boy’s nursery. Alongside more expensive toys, the bunny feels naturally shy and insecure. The bunny longed to fit in with his peers. Actually, he hoped to become special to the boy.
Abandoned after the excitement of Christmas, the rabbit befriends the wise old rocking horse. He explains to the rabbit that the boy will eventually love him and make him real. One day, Rabbit and Rocking Horse engaged in a conversation. “What is real?” Rabbit asked. “Does it mean having things buzz inside you and having a stick-out handle?”
The rocking horse replied, “Real isn’t how you are made, it’s a thing that happens to you when a child loves you for a long, long time. Not just to play with, but to really love you. Then you will become real.”
Rabbit, “Does it hurt?”
Rocking Horse replied honestly,” Sometimes, for when you are real, you don’t mind being hurt.”
Rabbit asked more of being real, “Does it happen all at once like when you are wound up, or bit by bit?”
Rocking Horse, “It doesn’t happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or must be safely kept. Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all because once you are real, except to people who don’t understand.”
Rabbit, “I suppose you are real.”
Rocking Horse smiled. “The boy’s uncle made me real. Once you a real, you can’t become unreal again.”
Rabbit wished aloud that he could become real without these unpleasant things happening to them, to which Rocking Horse Replied, “When you are real, shabbiness doesn’t matter.”
As the story goes, the horse is right, The Velveteen Rabbit is selected to keep the boy safe and secure during a serious illness. A special bond develops between the boy and the rabbit. Along with the experiences the two share together, the rabbit transforms from a toy to something the rocking horse calls “real.” The rocking horse claims that real is what happens when you become your true self, not a contrived, shiny, pretend thing, and are loved despite, and maybe even because of, your imperfections.
The Velveteen Rabbit is much more than a children’s tale, it is a classic metaphor. This story has the power to provoke our deepest desires, inspire reflection and remind us of the basic truths in life. From one vantage point, The Velveteen Rabbit appears as just a tale for children, a story that brings to mind beloved toys and childhood dreams. But if we shift our view just a bit, we can see that the words hold truth and meaning for children of all ages, young and young-at-heart. A further shift and the Velveteen Rabbit himself is able to explain the intricacies of our own life, our own truths.
In The Velveteen Rabbit, the real wake-up call is called being real. Being real is truly being yourself and not a version of something you think you are supposed to be. In my coaching I call this, living my authentic life. This theory is based on our own individuality. Being real is different for everyone. Whether speaking about living an authentic life, living the coaching lifestyle or being real, one thing is the same. We are all striving for a feeling of happiness and contentment. We are always looking for work that is engaging, relationships that feel satisfying and genuine love so we never feel alone in this world.
Just like the book, once you are real, you know that everything you say and do matters to others. It helps you understand sadness and happiness. You will want to help ease others’ sadness and bring happiness to your loved ones. It helps you strive to leave your mark on this earth. In the book, the Velveteen Principles, Toni Raiten-D’Antonio lists 12 principles.
- Real is Possible- Being real is a quest to resolve your doubts and clarify your own identity and self-worth. As soon as the Rabbit learns what real is and the Rabbit believes it is possible; he/she starts to show signs of being real.
- Real is a Process- In the book, the rabbit looks up to Rocking Horse as a role model. Rocking Horse explains the process of becoming real. He describes it with such authority, with such precision. In life, many people hire a Life Coach to help explain the process of living your authentic life. Change and transformation is a process in the book and in real life.
- Real is Emotional- Individuals have feelings and emotions that keep them from being real. The Rabbit maintains an emotional longing for being real. Rocking Horse explains that you must have a clear understanding of your emotions, in order to be real. In Life Coaching, the coach explains the dynamics which hold you back from being real or living an authentic life.
- Real is Empathetic- When you are not real or not living a real-life, you have difficulties understanding and relating to others. In The Velveteen Rabbit, the other toys all see their imperfections and are living their life as a toy. Rocking Horse, on the other hand, is real; he is able to express his kindness and caring.
- Real is Courageous- In the story, Rocking Horse explains to the Rabbit to have courage, to expect a little pain, to face challenges. In real life, achieving what you want in life, living an authentic life requires you to overcome challenges, ridicule, and resentment. Like in the book, you might even shed a real tear or two along the way.
- Real is Honest- Rocking Horse is honest and real when it comes to talking to rabbit. The only reason the Rabbit leaned on Rocking Horse is because he is so honest throughout the entire story. If you want to be real, you need to be honest to yourself and to others.
- Real is Generous- Generous is more than just giving material possessions to those who need them. Generous is about caring for others’ health and happiness. In the story, the Rabbit is more concerned about the boy’s health than the fact that he is being taken away to be burned. Being generous is not about gift-giving, it is about offering your support, caring for others, and lending encouragement.
- Real is Grateful- In The Velveteen Rabbit, the boy’s love played a huge role in the Rabbit becoming real. The Rabbit understands that he should be grateful. Being grateful is more than saying thank you, it comes from the heart.
- Real can be Painful- Transforming into being real, or living an authentic life is a complex process. The Rabbit learned from Rocking Horse that awakening in life, to becoming real is sometimes painful. In our lives, moving toward an authentic life, living the life of your dreams can be a painful experience, but once you reach your goal, the pain becomes part of the process or journey.
- Real is Flexible- In The Velveteen Rabbit sees the wild rabbits playing in the garden. The Velveteen Rabbit is not sure he can hop like the other bunnies. Once he forgets his limitations, he is able to hop just like the wild bunnies. You must release your self-imposed limitations and be flexible and accepting to change.
- Real Love Endures- The Velveteen Rabbit becomes real due to the boy’s love and affection. This entire story is based on endless love both from Rocking Horse and Andrew, the little boy.
- Real is Ethical- The story demonstrates that in order to become real, to live the life of your dreams, to live an authentic life, one needs to be ethical and content with ourselves.
The story of The Velveteen Rabbit is an example of why we should all live an authentic life, based on our own self-worth. I am Real, I am authentic, some days I have it all in the bag, other days the bag has a hole in it. Today I let my emotions go unchecked because of a silly mess that could have been avoided. I take an honest look at where I went wrong and remind myself how far I have come. Tomorrow will be better. We have pondered Rabbit’s words and imagined his struggles. We have set his joys and challenges side by side with the major aspects of our life, using them to bring clarity within. We have become a bit more Real in the process, we have immersed our self in the reflective experience rabbit offers us. I give to you a bit of my Real, offered through these posts. May they settle in your heart as you become a bit more Real, too.
Manifest in the Midwest
References
Williams, M. (2005). The Velveteen Rabbit. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications.
