One of the critical characteristics of successful entrepreneurs is that we tend to be optimistic. We see what others might call a failure as an opportunity to learn. When others give up, we forge ahead. We have blinders on when it comes to being distracted from our goals.
This inner drive keeps us from giving up when things get tough and helps us stay focused even when working alone.
It’s what makes us entrepreneurs.
That same drive also makes it difficult for us to give up on our families, no matter the difficulties we have had. We keep trying, and we keep going home in the hope that things will eventually get better: Mom will suddenly see me for the good and successful person that I am, Dad will understand what I do for a living and be proud of me, my brother will go an entire evening without insulting me, and my sister will honestly remember my partner’s name for the first time in 5 years.
As the old saying goes, ‘Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly, expecting a different result.’ It’s the same when dealing with your family.
Hopeful expectations are great, but we need to temper them with reality. If these things have not happened in the past, they are not likely to happen this time either. They may never happen.
Instead of hoping for changes that are not likely to occur and then dealing with the anger and frustration afterward, why not adjust your expectations? Accept that your Mom will never quite understand that you are 32, not 12 and that your dad will still try and get you to apply for a job at the Post Office. Shrug off your brother’s insults as the result of jealousy or idiocy, whichever you prefer, and maybe it’s time to acknowledge that your sister is just not that bright. It happens in the best of families.
Here are five tips for coping with expectations of the ‘perfect’ visit home:
1) What part of the event is the most problematic? Is there any way to lessen the time spent on this activity?
2) Are there certain relatives that are the critical friction points? Is there any way to minimize your interaction with this person?
3) How much time do you need to spend with the family?
4) You already know what the conversational hot buttons will likely be. Come prepared with some ‘canned’ responses so you are not caught off guard. By responding calmly, rather than emotionally, to their jabs, the balance of power shifts in your favor, putting you in control of the outcome. When the desired emotional response is not forthcoming, it’s pretty likely your offensive relative will find a new source of amusement.
5) Smile—a lot. Act happy to be there and happy with yourself. It’s tough for others to shoot you down successfully when you are in such a good mood. And trust me – this is one of those things that if you fake it long enough, it becomes real. So paste that smile on your face when you wake up at the old homestead, and don’t let it drag down to a frown. Ever.
No matter what you do, you can’t change what your family does, but you can change how you react and control how it affects you.
Control what you can, and the rest? Let it go and move on.
