Smelling the Roses: Me Time, Acknowledging the Good Stuff and Being Thankful

“Stop and smell the roses” may be a cliché, but research suggests its sound advice for finding more satisfaction in life. A 2012 study in the Journal of Personality and Individual Differences suggests that appreciating the meaningful things and people in our lives may play an even larger role in our overall happiness than previously thought. This research was the first to examine whether appreciation explains variance in life satisfaction after controlling for gender, age, ethnicity, the Big 5 personality factors, and gratitude.

In the study, Rutgers University psychology professor Nancy Fagley surveys undergraduates on their levels of appreciation, which Fagley defines as “acknowledging the value and meaning of something—an event, a behavior, an object—and feeling a positive emotional connection to it.” Fagley’s survey of appreciation zeroed in on eight aspects of it, including awe—or feeling a sense of connection to nature or life itself—and living in the present moment.

Though Fagley found that appreciation and gratitude both seem to be strongly connected to happiness, her results suggest that appreciation is twice as significant as gratitude in determining overall satisfaction with life.

1. When was the last time you took a break, “Me Time”?
2. When was the last time you said out loud what you were thankful for?
3. Have you stopped and told someone you appreciate them for the little things they do for you?

1. Oh, yea let me see I sold my vacation time back to the company last December. I don’t have time for a break.
2. Thankful Thursday? No wait thankful posts I start in November and get through about 6 days.
3. Sure, there was that dude who helped me carry some boxes into the UPS store, I am sure I told him thank you and I appreciate it. My spouse, my kids, I am sure not recently.

Sound familiar.

We know that people actually get more done if they take time out to enjoy their day. Not only that, but, over time, people who set aside a few hours every week are likely to be healthier, more relaxed, and better able to cope with the stresses of everyday life. You know “Me Time”.

Why not try it? Give yourself the gift of pausing.

To start, make a list of 10 things you REALLY enjoy doing, whether or not you have made time for them lately. I am talking about stuff that gives you real pleasure. They may be things you do alone, or with one other person, or with a group. Look over the list, and see if one thing says “pick me.” Choose one of those activities that you enjoy.

Now, take out your calendar, and IN THE NEXT MONTH, block out at least a 2-hour period that is JUST FOR YOU. Half a day is better. A whole day is best of all. Do whatever is needed to make that time free. Ask a neighbor to babysit. Tell your spouse you’ll be busy. Say “no” to the half-dozen requests that will almost certainly challenge your “Me Time”.

And when your day comes . . . GO FOR IT, whether you’re painting, walking in the woods, going to a movie, or just sitting still. What matters is that you are doing something you really enjoy. During your “Me Time”, pause and think of one thing you are thankful for. Be present in your enjoyment, this is not “okay I am sitting at the park, I have 35 minutes left, then I have to pick up the dry cleaning, and I have to pick up Mc Donald’s, and the oldest is at soccer practice”.

No.

Be present in the enjoyment of your “Me Time”, spare a minute to think of one thing you are thankful for, and at the end of your “Me Time” tell one person you appreciate them and why.

5 Ways to Incorporate Spring into my “Me Time”

1. Go outside as often as possible. This can be a tough one for me, as I love being on the computer. However, being on the computer outside isn’t really being present in the spring moment, and I’m going to make a big effort this spring — starting today! — to spend as much time outdoors as I can.
2. Pay attention to the little things. When I’m outdoors, I’m going to make an extra special effort to pay attention to the little things. I’m already pretty good at this — noticing the new buds on plants, spotting an unusual flower or insect — but this year I’m going to pay attention even more to the small things around me. I’m a big fan of using my visual sense, but I’m going to start paying attention with all five senses to really get in touch with the season of spring.
3. Stop rushing and slow down. One of the reasons I struggle to enjoy the season is because I’m often in a rush. I have work, plans, and things to cross off of my to-do list. Even on the weekends, I’m often “busy” with something I feel I must get done. If I really want to enjoy this spring, I realize that I must slow down and stop rushing. I need to take my dog on longer walks. I need to take the long way from the parking lot to my office. I need to stop rushing and start slowing down.
4. Learn the names of plants/animals. It’s occurred to me more than once that I have no idea what some of the plants or animals are around my building. I’ve lived in the same zip code for most of my life and yet I don’t know the names of some of the trees I see every single day. I always say I should learn what they are, but I never have. This spring I’m going to finally figure it out. Going through the process of learning more about my environment will certainly help me to be more present
5. Bring the spring indoors. I cannot tell you how many times my mom has come over to my apartment and said to me, “Why don’t you open those windows? Get some fresh air in here!” I usually shake my head and tell her defiantly that I don’t want fresh air. But why? Fresh air is probably the very thing I need and there are so few days (when it’s not way too hot or way too cold) that I can actually open the windows and let the air in. This spring I’m going to start opening windows, start letting the sounds and smells and sights of spring indoors.

These tricks will help you get the most out of your day:

• Give yourself permission – this is Your Day, your “Me Time”. It is absolutely 100% okay for you to be taking this time. Leave your cell phone at home, or at least turned off. When kill-joy thinking comes along (and it will), play with it. Pretend it’s a stick floating in a stream, and just let it drift away.
• Keep the day alive – collect a souvenir or take mental photographs to help you hold on to this special time.
• Focus – as though you were taking a photograph, adjust the “depth of field.” Focus on selected aspects of the experience and let the others go.
• Immerse Yourself – Try not to analyze the experience, just be there. You’re savoring, remember?
• Tell the story – Share your experience with a friend or partner – the joy that’s shared multiples by ten.
• Write it down. Read it over as a reminder in a few days or weeks.

When your “Me Time” is over, celebrate! Pat yourself on the back for challenging today’s norm. And, while you’re at it, why not take out your calendar and make another date for “Me Time”.

Try it and let me know how it works for you.

Manifest in the Midwest