The Perfect Family, that myth from 1950s TV and Norman Rockwell paintings, has probably sent more of us into therapy than all of the Halloween movies ever made. I think there are probably more unicorns around than Perfect Families.
And you know what? I am okay with that.
For those who left the corporate world and have created our paths, it’s not been an easy journey, but it has been necessary for our survival and personal happiness.
Unfortunately, it has also been a journey that alienated many of us from our families. Fathers who slaved away for decades in an office or menial job to support the family were never happy at their work but fulfilling their ‘obligation’ to support the family. Mothers stayed home, doing laundry, cooking, ’keeping house,’ and being there for the children.
When you were growing up, your parents probably told you that you could be anything you wanted in life…what went unsaid was ‘as long as it is exactly what we did with our lives.’
The problem is that many of us did exactly what we wanted with our lives: we went out and started businesses, did our ‘own thing,’ and built happy and prosperous lives along the way.
And they woke one day to realize our parents disapproved of us!
Sometimes, it’s because your family doesn’t understand what you do, but sometimes, it’s because we dare to go out and do what we want – and they did not.
By taking that risk, we challenge them and their choices, and they don’t like what they see.
Rather than put up with the thinly veiled insults from relatives who honestly have no idea what you do (or that you are paying more in taxes than they earned last year), ditch the traditional family and create your own.
No, I don’t mean sitting around the table with many inflatables.
What I do mean is to start thinking differently about what family IS. Is it people that an accidental sharing of DNA relates to you – or is it the people who honestly care how your day went? The people that you call first to share the successes – or bombs – of your business, or the calls that you let go to voicemail when you see their caller ID? The people that you look forward to seeing on Hump Day or the people that make your heart sink as you walk up the path to their front door?
You don’t have to be related to be family. Family is what we make it, the relationships we create and nurture, and nurturing us in return. The family adds warmth, comfort, and a sense of well-being to every aspect of our lives. It is the backdrop for our joy, sadness, successes, failures, and everything.
But what it should not do is undermine our sense of self, destroy our beliefs, or ridicule our goals. We should not have to defend our every decision and lifestyle endlessly. But for too many entrepreneurs, this is the case, and the chasm it creates between our ‘blood’ family and ourselves is very often too vast to cross.
The solution? Look around you! As entrepreneurs, we tend to attract others of a like mind who see nothing wrong with a commute that ends at the espresso machine in your kitchen or that you worked until 3 am yesterday. Or that you worked in PJs most of last week.
It’s what we do, who we are, and most importantly, who we want to be.
Embrace it. Enjoy your friends, and realize that THIS is your best family. Skip the stress of worrying about going home for the holidays – reach out to your friends and start new holiday traditions with the family you create yourself.
Share the food and fun – even if you don’t share the DNA 😉
