Boundaries – what are they and why do we need them?
So I had a different topic slated for June, but with a series of unfortunate events, I decided we all needed to dive more into boundaries. Do any of the following statements resonate with you? I feel a little aggrieved at times with others, especially when they’re taking advantage. I do so much for others and it just gets thrown in my face. I feel hurt, irritated or angry when I ask for help or support and I get nothing back. I’m a people pleaser, I’m always agreeing to do things that I don’t really want to do. I just can’t say no. People just say what they like to me. I just take what people throw at me. The thought of standing up for myself makes me anxious. I don’t really have an opinion or stand my ground. I feel anxious around aggressive people. I’m afraid of conflict, it’s easier to just walk away. I often feel easily hurt or upset by other people’s comments or behavior. If you can relate to any of these comments, then it’s possible that you’re struggling to put healthy boundaries in place. But before your critical voice kicks in and you start being down on yourself for not having healthy boundaries, ask yourself why this might be. Certainly for me, boundary setting wasn’t on the curriculum when I was growing up. What exactly are boundaries? Boundaries are our personal limits in terms of how we will interact with others, how we expect to be treated by others and how we will respond if or when they ‘cross the line’. They are a set of expectations we set for ourselves in order to keep ourselves physically, emotionally and psychologically safe. Boundaries are very individual; mine might be different to yours. Your boundaries are very personal to you and they may differ depending on the circumstances or the people involved and based on your socialization, personal experiences, beliefs and opinions that make you who you are.
