Surviving The Visit Home: Setting Realistic Expectations
One of the critical characteristics of successful entrepreneurs is that we tend to be optimistic. We see what others might call a failure as an opportunity to learn. When others give up, we forge ahead. We have blinders on when it comes to being distracted from our goals. This inner drive keeps us from giving up when things get tough and helps us stay focused even when working alone. It’s what makes us entrepreneurs. That same drive also makes it difficult for us to give up on our families, no matter the difficulties we have had. We keep trying, and we keep going home in the hope that things will eventually get better: Mom will suddenly see me for the good and successful person that I am, Dad will understand what I do for a living and be proud of me, my brother will go an entire evening without insulting me, and my sister will honestly remember my partner’s name for the first time in 5 years. As the old saying goes, ‘Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly, expecting a different result.’ It’s the same when dealing with your family. Hopeful expectations are great, but we need to temper them with reality. If these things have not happened in the past, they are not likely to happen this time either. They may never happen. Instead of hoping for changes that are not likely to occur and then dealing with the anger and frustration afterward, why not adjust your expectations? Accept that your Mom will never quite understand that you are 32, not 12 and that your dad will still try and get you to apply for a job at the Post Office. Shrug off your brother’s insults as the result of jealousy or idiocy, whichever you prefer, and maybe it’s time to acknowledge that your sister is just not that bright. It happens in the best of families. Here are five tips for coping with expectations of the ‘perfect’ visit home: 1) What part of the event is the most problematic? Is there any way to lessen the time spent on this activity? 2) Are there certain relatives that are the critical friction points? Is there any way to minimize your interaction with this person? 3) How much time do you need to spend with the family? 4) You already know what the conversational hot buttons will likely be. Come prepared with some ‘canned’ responses so you are not caught off guard. By responding calmly, rather than emotionally, to their jabs, the balance of power shifts in your favor, putting you in control of the outcome. When the desired emotional response is not forthcoming, it’s pretty likely your offensive relative will find a new source of amusement. 5) Smile—a lot. Act happy to be there and happy with yourself. It’s tough for others to shoot you down successfully when you are in such a good mood. And trust me – this is one of those things that if you fake it long enough, it becomes real. So paste that smile on your face when you wake up at the old homestead, and don’t let it drag down to a frown. Ever. No matter what you do, you can’t change what your family does, but you can change how you react and control how it affects you. Control what you can, and the rest? Let it go and move on.
3 Tips for (Emotional) Self Care
3 Tips for (Emotional) Self Care One of the biggest gifts you can give yourself is acceptance of ‘what is.’ Acceptance of self, life on its terms, and acceptance of others are great practices that bring much peace to our daily lives. Knowing and accepting oneself (strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, etc.) is key to achieving well-being. Self-knowledge is EVERYTHING. Take an honest look at who you are, how you feel, and why. Following are some self-care tips to get to know yourself better. TIP # 1: Think and Write About Who You Are Take some time to explore who you are by answering these journal prompts on paper. Write it down, look at it, and notice how it feels when you write it. Then, work to accept your answers and resist the urge to get going on any solutions to “fix” yourself or change plans. Just be curious about what answers come to mind, and don’t judge the answers or yourself (in this moment). My purpose in life is. . . My greatest accomplishment in life to date is. . . I am most proud of…. The thing I like most about myself is. . . My greatest failure and what I learned from it is. . . I want to work on improving. . . TIP # 2: Identify and Accept your Feelings NOTICE (don’t change or try to fix) your feelings by identifying them through brief journaling. Don’t make it fancy; jot down brief answers. I like “bullet point journaling” – it’s like a journaling list, very informal. Right now, at this moment, I feel… (write an exhaustive list of feelings, positive and negative, with brief explanations). It should look something like this: Sad – My dog is sick, and I think he is going to die. He is my best friend, and I can’t imagine life without him. Frustrated – I don’t know where to take my career. I thought I knew what I wanted, and now I’m as confused as ever. Encouraged – I am making progress toward paying off my student loans. It feels like I will never get them paid off, and I want to give up at times, but the truth is that I think I can do it. Resentful – People seem to take advantage of me, and I am starting to feel negative toward people I care about. Why does this keep happening to me? Loved – my girlfriend is great; she is loyal and accepts me just as I am. Notice these feelings, feel them as you write, and then ‘let them go,’ like watching clouds pass. Feelings are to notice, experience, and let pass. Feelings always pass if we allow them to. We tend to be afraid of our feelings and often think we need to do something to change the powerful and negative ones. But the truth is, the more we try to fix or change them, the more we remain stuck. Work on accepting them for what they are and letting them pass. TIP # 3: Set Healthy Boundaries I do boundary work with most of my clients at some point. When they catch on and work at it, they report increased self-confidence, clarity in who they are and what is important to them, improved relationships, decreased negative feelings – and an overall improved sense of well-being. I often hear things like, “How have I missed this? It makes me feel so much better. This seems so simple, but it’s hard. Everyone should learn this.” There are three basic boundaries: emotional, physical, and intellectual. We will focus on emotional boundaries here. A common complaint I hear from clients is their frustration with having difficulty saying “no.” They find themselves over-committed, underappreciated, feeling taken advantage of, and resentful toward people who are important to them. If you think, “Why do people always seem to take advantage of me? People expect me to do things for them and don’t even seem to appreciate it. I am tired of people and what they want me to do. I can’t help myself, though, because it’s just who I am, I want people to do some things for me.” These are all statements I hear from people who could use a hefty dose of boundary work in this area. Why don’t we set healthy boundaries? Fear – fear of being rejected or abandoned. Fear of conflict. GUILT We weren’t taught healthy boundaries. Safety Concerns (People who are in abusive relationships can’t set healthy boundaries because of the abuse. If you have concerns for your safety, this tip is not for you. Get professional help) First, identify someone you know respects you and your right to set boundaries. Decide on something to say “no” to. Something you don’t want to do (e.g., volunteer for another committee). Practice saying “no” with a brief explanation; don’t apologize; say it respectfully and confidently. For example, “I think I will pass this time; it will not work with my schedule and other commitments. Thank you for thinking of me!” Period. Don’t say any more words. The more explanation we give, the more it weakens the boundary and conveys that our boundary might be negotiable. Next is to practice tolerating other people’s discomfort, disappointment, or bids for you to change your mind. Truth = most people don’t like it when we set boundaries, especially when the answer is “no” and they aren’t used to setting boundaries. Hold your ground, thank them again for valuing you enough to ask you, and wish them well. Then, gently change the topic to something unrelated by asking about them or their lives. Part of boundary work is trusting that others can handle disappointment and other feelings they may have. Their feelings are not your job. Your job is to be respectful, direct, firm, and friendly. Stay out of their feelings about your “no,” and let them work that out! Final Words on Self-Care Just know that you have the right and responsibility
3 Things To Do Before End of 2021
Before you start wearing your holiday hat, there are a few things you could do before the new year. Pull out your journal right now and complete these 3 activities within the next 10 mins. 1) List down your 3 highlights of 2021. Something that is worth remembering, something that makes yourself proud, something that happens because you’ve put that effort in, something that makes you smile. Question to ask yourself: What are 3 things I have done right in the last 12 months? 2) List down 3 challenges of 2021. Something that you can make better, something that challenges you. Question to ask yourself: What are 3 things I can do better in the last 12 months? 3) What are 3 things you want to make happen in 2022? Your goals, your dream, Is 2022 your year? Question to ask yourself: If 2022 is my year, what are 3 things I must make it happen? What type of person would I become? And I challenge you to leave a short comment about your 3 things in the Comment session of this article. For me: Highlights are: Set up my own life coaching courses- Face my fears Spending more quality time with my kids. Hitting my goal weight and stayed there a year. Challenges are: Heavily weighing the opioions of others against my own self-knowledge. Donation to charity. I didn’t donate as much time or monetary value as much I could and wanted to. Focus and concentration: Too many irons in the fire. My 2022 Another Course Launch. Focus on my love life. Knowing my purpose gives me the focus and energy to move on. How about yours? Happy Year Ending 2021 Manifest in the Midwest
Do you have plans?
It is December and most of us are feverishly focused on this last part of the year and all the details of the holidays that come with it. Family getting together, travel arrangements, gatherings, and celebrations, holiday meals, and the proverbial gift list. I would like to ask for just a moment of your time to look back and consider the year you’ve had. The successes and failures, the joys and disappointments, health issues, work events, and all the like. If you were to rate your year from 1-10, 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, how would your past 12 months measure up? Putting aside the everyday hustle and bustle what was your end focus and how well do you feel you did? This is not to judge failures or mishaps but mostly to bring to your attention what you might want to do differently this coming year. And perhaps pinpoint some goal that you did not quite reach this year and think of what you might need to shift and do differently in order to have better success in the year to come. Most of us see the herald of a new year as an opportunity to set new goals and adjust behaviors that did not serve us the year before. I am not just talking about a New Year’s resolution. I am talking about a solid change towards something you have been craving for a while or maybe even your whole life. Many resolutions notoriously fail after a short period of time for many reasons. Maybe we were not serious enough about the change we want to make. Or perhaps we do not have someone to walk the new path with us and hold us accountable. And perhaps our goals are too big and our tenacity runs out soon after we start. Everyone knows that change is much easier when we have support and guidance along the way. A helping hand to push us forward or pull us along. Often that someone has been there before and can share their experiences with us. In life, we start out with our parents and family as our guardians to learn the ways of acceptable dos and dont’s. Schooling and education are other avenues of support and growth. And as many philosophers said over the years for as long as we live we learn. As the new year approaches, I am looking forward to growing and solidifying the support that I can provide you with. I am so grateful for all of you that have put your trust in me over the years and for the monumental goals that we have achieved. Now more than ever I am so excited to be able to guide you to your next step towards health, wealth, and success. This year has been very grounding and educational and I am excited to welcome you to Manifest in the Midwest and share our tools and secrets of how to live a successful and joyful life. With the new year, we will be hosting more workshops, and Classes to really immerse ourselves into this healthy and joyful way of living. So come hang out with me. Take this opportunity to jot down your intentions, dreams, and aspirations, and let’s get cracking with excitement and vitality as the new year draws near. Use the space below to write out your goals and get focused and intentional. Having a direction is key in beginning your journey. I am looking forward to persevering and creating together! My Next Years Goals: Completion Date: ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ Happy Holidays to you and your families! With much love, Sharame @ Manifest in the Midwest
Holiday Advice
I’m not big on advice, but what the heck, it’s my blog. So here it is. It might be fun to practice savoring during the holidays. When savoring, one experiences the specifics and detail of the present moment. Noticing all the different aspects of an experience might include sounds, smells, textures, tastes, and emotions. For instance: I’m lying on the beach. I feel the sand warm under my back. I smell the ocean and sunscreen and feel a light breeze play across my face. My hair moves slightly against my cheek and I feel my eyelashes meeting above-closed eyes. Along with the surf, I can hear the occasional shriek of a gull and children off somewhere playing and calling to one another. I’m relaxed. I feel still, at east and connected. I could go on with my observations (and wishful thinking). Notice what I didn’t include. I’m not worrying about what’s going to be waiting for me when I get back to work. I’m not wishing I was on a beach in Florida. I’m not thinking I should get productive and take a walk or read. I’m not looking at my watch, checking my email, or texting. You can savor anything. We are all familiar with the idea of savoring a fine wine, cigar, or other gustatory experience. Have you ever savored success? Getting the promotion, finishing the dissertation, and completing your first 5K are all opportunities for savoring. So is listening to a symphony or smelling a rose. So my holiday advice: Find a few things (or many) to really savor and enjoy. Maybe it’s a special food someone makes at this time of year, or the giggle and smile of a particular niece, or the walk you have the time to take in the crisp winter air. Make the most of these experiences and be really present for them. If you’re used to being on the run and multitasking, it may take some practice, but I think you’ll find it well worth the effort. And it’s good for post- and pre-holiday times as well. For more tips, see an article about the Harvard Medical School Portable Guide to Stress Relief. A song that captures savoring and the holiday mood: 90s Christmas Songs Manifest in the Midwest
Self-Care During the Holidays
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and a restful weekend after! I thought I’d share a few tips about getting through the holidays with your self-care needs intact. I know that I often find it difficult to maintain my normal routine during this time of year. Extra pressures financially and emotionally can make this a challenging time, especially for those who are sensitive. To help you stay centered and relaxed during this time of year, consider implementing a few of the tips below: 1. Continue to make time for yourself: Don’t let the holiday rush lead to skipping on your time to recharge. Write your time on your calendar and stick to it. You’ll need it to help you get through the next few weeks without burning out before the holidays. Aim to have a half-hour every day for yourself. 2. Get Outside: I know it is very cold out there (and I personally hate being cold!) but the fresh air is really important to keep our systems healthy. Schedule in daily time outside, even if it is only for 15 minutes. Bundle up and enjoy the crisp air and changing scenery! It’s a great time of year to check out the nighttime sky. 3. Set Limits: Work on ways to simplify Christmas and the holidays. One of the important aspects of this is to set limits on spending before you head to the store. There are so many interesting things out there, it is very easy to overspend. Deciding ahead of time how much you are going to spend and then sticking to it will help ease a lot of the tension often associated with the holidays. 4. Watch the cookies!: I absolutely LOVE cookies, but my body does not in any way love all that sugar. Pay attention to your diet and be sure you continue to drink lots of water and eat a healthy diet that helps you feel good. Keeping yourself feeling healthy and relaxed will also boost your immunity so you can avoid all the germs floating around! 5. Slow Down: I’m a “get things done quickly” sort of person so this step is still a tough one for me, but when I do it I’m amazed at how well it works!. When you feel like your to-do list is weighing you down and you’ll never get everything done, consider trying something new…do nothing. I know this goes against the grain, but actually taking a break and literally doing nothing (including thinking about all the things you have to do) can go a long way towards increasing your energy and your productivity. I didn’t make this up…it is actually a proven fact! Give it a try. Manifest in the Midwest
How To Create Affirmations To Support Your Goals
Identifying your weaknesses and creating powerful affirmations to address them is a very positive thing to do. But it will have a lot more meaning for you if you link your affirmations to the challenging goals that you have set for yourself. You do have goals, don’t you? If you don’t then you need to read every word of this article. Most people do not have any goals set and just drift along in life. They want different things but they are not prepared to put in the time and effort to get them. The reason that most people do not have goals set for the short and long term is that they associate pain with doing this. They are going to have to think about this and this requires effort. It’s much easier to waste their precious time on social media. Identify what you want You need to know what you really want in your life to set goals to achieve this. Find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed and arm yourself with pen and paper. To find out what you really want you just need to ask yourself the question “what do I really want?”. It sounds simple because it is. Ask yourself this question in relation to different areas of your life such as: Health Wealth Relationships Material things Spirituality Self-esteem Skills There are other facets of your life that you can include here. When you ask the question of yourself, focus on it completely until you start to receive answers in your head. Some of these answers will come from your conscious mind and some from your subconscious mind. Write everything down. Do not make any judgments here. What do you want the most? Once you have a list of the things that you desire in your life you need to take a look at each one and imagine how you will feel when you have it. Take your time when you do this and make your feelings as strong as possible. Write your feelings down next to the desire you are assessing. When you have completed this exercise for all of your desires you will be able to identify the ones that you want the most. This is important as you do not want to set too many goals and try to achieve too many things at once. Choose the desires with the strongest feelings associated with them and turn these into your goals. Use the SMART Goal Setting Process Write your goals using the SMART process which stands for: Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic Timed There is plenty of information and examples of this online. Do your homework here so that you set the most effective goals. Use Affirmations to Support your Goals Examine each of the goals that you have set and identify the changes that you will need to make to achieve them. Are there any current weaknesses that you have that will prevent you from achieving your goals? Create a list of these weaknesses and then write positive affirmations around each of them so that you can make the necessary changes that you need. By reciting your affirmations regularly you will start to see improvements in different areas of your life that will help you to achieve all of your goals. Manifest in the Midwest
You Need To Create A Plan To Achieve Your Goal
We always encourage people to think big when they are deciding on their goals. It is best not to concern yourself about how you will achieve a goal while you are deciding what you want. This is because you may experience negative thoughts and this can put you offsetting the goal in the first place. Once your goal is set and you have written it down and added emotion to it by thinking about why you really want it then it is time to create your plan. If you have set yourself a challenging goal to earn a lot more money for example it is now time to think about how you are going to do this. You don’t need all of the Answers right now If you have a challenge in front of you like a goal it is easy to become overwhelmed because you don’t know how to achieve it. The best way to avoid this overwhelm is to break the goal down into smaller parts. So if your goal is to make $100,000 in the next year then you need to work out how you are going to do this. There are a couple of obvious things that you can do such as getting a second job or trading your existing job for a higher-paying one. But these are not the only options available to you. There are many people out there making considerable money on side hustles working from home. All they need is a computer and a connection to the Internet. Examples of this are affiliate marketing (you promote other people’s products and services for a commission), setting up your own online store, offering coaching services, and many more. So the first part of your plan needs to be researched based. Today you have so many resources available to you online. Take the time to look at the different opportunities that exist to make the additional money that you need. Just use Google or your favorite search engine to find out more. If you prefer to watch videos then you can go to YouTube and search there. You will find thousands of videos about how you can make money online. Make your Decision and Plan for it After you have been through the research stage you can now create a detailed plan around this. So if you have decided to find a higher paying job what skills are you going to need to land a job like this? If you want to create an online business that you can work on from home then what do you need to learn in order to achieve this? Do you need a website? Do you need to create videos? How will you get visitors that are interested in what you have to offer that can turn into customers? Create a Daily Plan Taking action to achieve your goal is the best thing to do. This builds momentum every day and you will be surprised by the progress that you make. So you want to break your plan down into small actions that you can take each day. Your Plan will never be Perfect Accept that your plan will never be perfect and that you will need to review it and adjust it regularly. This is the same for everyone. If you know exactly how to achieve your goal then it is not challenging enough! Manifest in the Midwest
How To Set Goals That Will Inspire You To Achieve Them
There are many experts out there who will tell you to set goals in specific ways. The issue is that you need to set your goals in the best way that will work for you. Achieving challenging goals is not easy and if your goals do not inspire you then you will not achieve them. SMART Goals When you are setting goals you need to be as specific as possible. It is no use writing “I want to earn more money in the next 12 months”. What does that mean? If you earn 50 cents more than you did last year does that mean that you achieved your goal? Technically yes it does! The same goes for losing weight or getting fitter. Just writing a goal to lose weight is meaningless. So is a goal to “get fitter”. There are no specifics here and the goal is not challenging because of this. We recommend that you use the SMART goal-setting process. This is an acronym that stands for: Specific You need to be as specific as possible with all of your goals. So change “I want to earn more money next year” to “I will earn $100,000 in the next 12 months”. The same goes for losing weight. “I will lose weight next year” is useless so change it to “I will lose 60 pounds in the next 12 months” for example. Measurable By being more specific with your goals you will be able to measure your progress. It is pointless embarking on any goal that you cannot measure. A goal that states “I want to be more intelligent” is going to be very difficult to measure. But “I want to improve my IQ to 140” is definitely measurable. Actionable When you set goals they need to be actionable. A goal that relies on someone else doing something first or something else happening is not an actionable goal. A goal needs to be in your control – you can work on it each day without having to rely on external factors. Realistic We do not want to stifle your creativity and free mind here. But if you are in your mid-fifties and somewhat overweight having a goal to be the next world tennis champion is not realistic no matter how good of a tennis player you are. Make all of your goals realistic. Not too easy to achieve but something that you can actually do. Time A goal without a time frame is useless. “I will earn $100,000” and “I will lose 60 pounds” will never be achieved. You must add a time frame so that the goal is challenging for you. Without this, you can be working on your goal for an entire lifetime. Adding Spice to your Goals The SMART goal-setting process is logical and makes a lot of sense but on its own, it will not push you to achieve your goals. You need to add “spice” to your goals so that you will jump out of bed each morning and be inspired to achieve them. The best way to do this is to add emotion to every goal. Decide on the real reason that you want more money or want to be in better shape. Think about how this will make you feel and use these feelings to inspire you every day. Manifest in the Midwest
