The Hesitant Queen
Anoint Yourself, Girl This is not a drill! This is, in fact, your coronation day. Your tiara is polished, and your subjects await this anticipated regal appointment. You are the protector of your realm. You are the figurehead of your nation. This, of course, is an analogy. And I present the question: Why are you insistent on keeping your diamond-encrusted crown tucked away in your closet? You ascended to this role through years of hard-fought battles. It is your day to shine. And you now have to pass along the wisdom of your experiences to the sisters in your commonwealth. As I connect with women daily, I notice a constant in many of their lives. They often are reluctant to let others observe their glory. All too often, though, women play down their competence and accomplishments. Perhaps it’s through modesty, not wanting to be seen to brag, fear of what others will think, or lack of self-belief. If this sounds like you, it’s time to stop downplaying your success and instead celebrate it. Here are a couple of reasons why women fear their own success: Women have been groomed to downplay their successes as it seems boastful. Women often suffer from low self-esteem: The importance of self-esteem cannot be ignored. Self-esteem has profound consequences that affect every aspect of our existence: how we operate in the workplace, how we deal with people, how high we are likely to rise, and how much we are likely to achieve. In a more personal realm, self-esteem influences our choice of the one with whom we fall in love, how we interact with our partner, children, and friends, and what level of personal happiness we attain. All too often, though, women play down their competence and accomplishments. Perhaps it’s through modesty, not wanting to be seen to brag, fear of what others will think, or lack of self-belief. If this sounds like you, it’s time to stop downplaying your success and instead celebrate it. Here are several reasons women should hold their heads high and own their success. Successful Women Are Inspirations Women who succeed can offer inspiration to others. It is part of the human experience that when a person witnesses the greatness of another, motivation will follow. Your path to success story may plant the seed for someone who lacks confidence. Your triumphs may trigger another to take risks. Celebrating your victories is not boastful- as the ripple effect can touch lives in ways you may never fully comprehend. Curating your road to success into a relatable story is a tangible tool for teaching others how to better their lives. Become a mentor. Give Back. Wear your Crown.
Do you have plans?
It is December and most of us are feverishly focused on this last part of the year and all the details of the holidays that come with it. Family getting together, travel arrangements, gatherings, and celebrations, holiday meals, and the proverbial gift list. I would like to ask for just a moment of your time to look back and consider the year you’ve had. The successes and failures, the joys and disappointments, health issues, work events, and all the like. If you were to rate your year from 1-10, 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, how would your past 12 months measure up? Putting aside the everyday hustle and bustle what was your end focus and how well do you feel you did? This is not to judge failures or mishaps but mostly to bring to your attention what you might want to do differently this coming year. And perhaps pinpoint some goal that you did not quite reach this year and think of what you might need to shift and do differently in order to have better success in the year to come. Most of us see the herald of a new year as an opportunity to set new goals and adjust behaviors that did not serve us the year before. I am not just talking about a New Year’s resolution. I am talking about a solid change towards something you have been craving for a while or maybe even your whole life. Many resolutions notoriously fail after a short period of time for many reasons. Maybe we were not serious enough about the change we want to make. Or perhaps we do not have someone to walk the new path with us and hold us accountable. And perhaps our goals are too big and our tenacity runs out soon after we start. Everyone knows that change is much easier when we have support and guidance along the way. A helping hand to push us forward or pull us along. Often that someone has been there before and can share their experiences with us. In life, we start out with our parents and family as our guardians to learn the ways of acceptable dos and dont’s. Schooling and education are other avenues of support and growth. And as many philosophers said over the years for as long as we live we learn. As the new year approaches, I am looking forward to growing and solidifying the support that I can provide you with. I am so grateful for all of you that have put your trust in me over the years and for the monumental goals that we have achieved. Now more than ever I am so excited to be able to guide you to your next step towards health, wealth, and success. This year has been very grounding and educational and I am excited to welcome you to Manifest in the Midwest and share our tools and secrets of how to live a successful and joyful life. With the new year, we will be hosting more workshops, and Classes to really immerse ourselves into this healthy and joyful way of living. So come hang out with me. Take this opportunity to jot down your intentions, dreams, and aspirations, and let’s get cracking with excitement and vitality as the new year draws near. Use the space below to write out your goals and get focused and intentional. Having a direction is key in beginning your journey. I am looking forward to persevering and creating together! My Next Years Goals: Completion Date: ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ Happy Holidays to you and your families! With much love, Sharame @ Manifest in the Midwest
Explore the Relationship Between Goals, Strategies, and Micro-Actions in this Comprehensive Guide
Have you ever wondered why some people seem to achieve their goals effortlessly while others struggle? The secret often lies in understanding the critical relationship between goals, strategies, and micro-actions. In this comprehensive guide, we will delve into these three pillars of success, examining how they interconnect and support each other to achieve desired outcomes. Understanding the Relationship Between Goals, Strategies, and Micro-Actions A goal refers to a desired outcome or target. A strategy, on the other hand, is the approach or plan designed to achieve this goal. Micro-actions are the small and manageable tasks that make up the strategy. They are the steps taken every day towards achieving the broader goal. Therefore, goals give us direction, strategies provide a roadmap, and micro-actions are the steps taken. Defining Goals Goals are what we strive to achieve. They give life direction and purpose. Let’s delve deeper into what constitutes effective goal setting. Setting Effective Goals Effective goal-setting is the foundation of any successful endeavor. It involves identifying specific and measurable targets, ensuring they’re realistic and achievable, and establishing a timeframe for completion. Identifying Specific and Measurable Goals Specific and measurable goals provide a clear picture of what success looks like. Instead of setting a vague goal like “I want to be healthier,” a specific and measurable goal would be “I want to lose 10 pounds in three months.” Setting Realistic and Achievable Goals While it’s great to aim high, goals need to be realistic and achievable for them to motivate us. Setting unattainable goals can lead to disappointment and demotivation. Therefore, it’s important to consider our abilities and resources when setting goals. Establishing Timeframes for Goals A goal without a deadline is just a dream. Timeframes provide urgency and help us track progress. Whether it’s a daily, weekly, or yearly target, having a timeframe keeps us accountable and focused. Developing Strategies Once we have clearly defined goals, the next step is to develop strategies to achieve them. Let’s explore what strategies are and how to create effective ones. What are Strategies? Strategies are the game plans we come up with to achieve our goals. They involve breaking down the goal into smaller, manageable tasks and outlining the steps needed to complete them. Creating Effective Strategies An effective strategy aligns with the goal, breaks down the goal into actionable steps, and considers available resources and constraints. Aligning Strategies with Goals A strategy must be tailored toward achieving a specific goal. This means that the actions outlined in the strategy should directly contribute to attaining the goal. Breaking Down Strategies into Actionable Steps A good strategy is broken down into smaller, manageable tasks. These tasks are then prioritized according to their importance and urgency. Considering Resources and Constraints An effective strategy also takes into account the resources available and potential constraints. This includes considering time, money, skills, and other resources needed to implement the strategy. Implementing Micro-Actions Micro-actions are the small steps we take every day toward achieving our goals. They are the building blocks of our strategies. Let’s delve deeper into what they are and how they support our strategies and goals. What are Micro-Actions? Micro-actions are small, manageable tasks we can do daily to progress toward our goals. They are the individual steps in our strategy, and when done consistently, they lead to significant progress over time. How Micro-Actions Support Strategies and Goals Micro-actions play a crucial role in supporting strategies and goals. Each micro-action is a step towards completing a larger task in the strategy, ultimately leading to the goal’s attainment. Defining Micro-Actions for Each Strategy It’s essential to define micro-actions for each strategy. These should be specific, achievable tasks that contribute directly to the goal. For example, if the goal is to lose weight, a micro-action could be to walk for 30 minutes each day. Prioritizing and Scheduling Micro-Actions Micro-actions should be prioritized and scheduled just like any other task. Prioritizing ensures that the most important tasks get done first, while scheduling helps us allocate time. Measuring Progress and Adjusting Micro-Actions Tracking progress is key to maintaining momentum. As we accomplish our micro-actions, we must review and adjust them to ensure they continue supporting our goals. Monitoring and Adjusting Monitoring progress and making adjustments when necessary are vital to achieving our goals. Let’s explore how this works in practice. Tracking Progress Towards Goals Keeping track of progress helps us stay motivated and focused. It allows us to see how far we’ve come and what we must do to reach our goals. Evaluating the Effectiveness of Strategies Over time, it’s essential to evaluate whether our strategies are effective. This involves assessing whether the strategies are helping us achieve our goals and making adjustments as necessary. Identifying and Addressing Challenges and Obstacles Challenges and obstacles are inevitable. Identifying and addressing these early can help us stay on track toward reaching our goals. Making Adjustments to Strategies and Micro-Actions If something isn’t working, it’s okay to make adjustments. Changing strategies or micro-actions based on feedback and results is a healthy part of progress and growth. Success Stories and Examples Learning from others can be incredibly insightful. Here are some real-life examples of how goals, strategies, and micro-actions have been successfully implemented. Real-Life Examples of Goals, Strategies, and Micro-Actions Consider a small business owner who set a goal to increase their revenue. They developed a strategy that included improving their online presence, implementing targeted marketing campaigns, and offering special promotions. The micro-actions involved creating a professional website, optimizing social media profiles, running online ads, and tracking customer feedback. Through consistent execution of these micro-actions, the business owner achieved their revenue goal. Lessons Learned from Successful Implementations Successful implementations teach us valuable lessons. One key lesson is the importance of consistency. Taking small actions towards our goals can consistently lead to significant results over time. Another lesson is the need for adaptability. Being open to adjusting strategies and micro-actions based on feedback and changing circumstances allows us to stay agile and proactive in
Boundaries and the Sincere Soul Blueprint
The term boundaries is overused and is too limited for the intricate way I wish to convey the separateness, yet relatedness of the true self for purposes of healing self love and self worth. So, today I’m coining a new phrase to help define the self. My new term is the Sincere Soul Blueprint. blue•print bloo͞′prĭnt″ Noun -A contact print of a drawing or other image rendered as white lines on a blue background, especially such a print of an architectural plan or technical drawing. Noun- A mechanical drawing produced by any of various similar photographic processes, such as one that creates blue or black lines on a white background. Noun- A detailed plan of action. At Manifest in the Midwest, we shall use the term “Sincere Soul Blueprint” when talking about the distinction of your true and separate self relative to the rest of the world. The Sincere Soul Blueprint has many attributes, including boundaries, easements (where people can get through), fences and structures. The most important thing to understand is that you own something–you have full 100% rights and use of YOU. You are responsible for yourself and to yourself. You are responsible for guarding yourself, tending to yourself and expanding your territory. When you are born,you became an owner of YOU. When you were born, out of your mother’s womb, you took a breath. That breath automatically gave you inherent worth. This inherent worth comes with it’s own territory. You own this territory, and this is your Sincere Soul Blueprint. I’m using this term for the purpose of healing and recovering self worth and self love. You own yourself. You have rights to yourself. Think of it this way: You are an energetic structure, and you have ownership rights to do with yourself what you need to do to be true to you. Aspects of Your Sincere Soul Your thoughts, feelings Your goals and desires Your skills, talents and abilities Your goals, dreams and visions Your beliefs and opinions Your past experiences Your current experience Your Presence Your values Your empathy Your energy and time Your inner healing The list could go on, but hopefully you’re getting the point. You are separate. Yes, we are all one at the base level, but for purposes of self worth, self esteem and self love, it’s vital that you understand this very tangible quality that you have, which is yourself. Using the idea of a blueprint is a helpful visualization of your existence, potentials and limitations. Your Sincere Soul Blueprint is Who You are Your Sincere Soul is who you are, not who other people want you to be. Your True Self is who you are beneath all the trauma, abuse, false notions, misconceptions, mistakes and wrong turns. Your True Self is always True and can never be destroyed. So long as you have breath in you, you own your True Self. No one has the right to take it away, and only you can allow others to tell you how to execute your rights on your own property, which is you. As the owner of your life, it is your responsibility to tend to your property, which is you. Of course, you are not a literal object, but this is merely an analogy to help you understand that you exist, that you have worth, and that you are equal to any other property out there, because you exist, you have ownership and existence rights. Your Sincere Soul Blueprint is not armor to keep us safe. It’s the blueprint to our being. It means you know yourself so you can stick up for your needs and emotions without feeling guilty. Boundaries are there to guide you and others on what does and doesn’t work for you. It’s the plan for treating yourself with love, care, trust, respect, and knowing your limit. So you can guide others to treat you similarly or they can move along. What Exists on Your Blueprint? – Walls, Boundaries, Property Borders, Fences, Gates – Livestock, Crops – Buildings, Barns, – Ponds, Wooded Areas, Pasture – Wells, Septic – Streets, Roads Your Sincere Soul Blueprint is YOU. And you get to enjoy all the rights inherent to ownership of yourself. You do not have to allow yourself to be run over by weeds. You do not have to allow foxes in to steal the eggs your hens lay. You do not have to let relatives squat in your guest house. Your property is your property and it is your personal responsibility to tend to the items represented by your Sincere Soul Blueprint.
Our Shrinking Boundaries
So let’s talk about how our boundaries shrink by relationship today. Let me set the scene; we decide we need to unwind and head to the local bar. We are having a cold beer and listening to a band. A very drunk man at the bar steps over to our table to talk to you. He starts leaning over our table practically on top of you. This man asks you to dance, and you politely decline. This guy starts getting a little angry and starts talking louder. Telling you, you will dance with him, again, you tell him no thank you. “Well, you’re just a stuck-up bitch. You’re not that hot to be so rude.” He grabs your arm. Trying to pull you from your chair and towards the dance floor. You snake your arm away.” Do not grab me!” We agree that the situation is ruining our evening, so we gather our stuff, pay our tab, and leave the bar. Another example, if you’re more like me while yanking your arm away from them, you start yelling at them, “Are you kidding me? How dare you grab me! If you touch me again, I will beat you to death!” Those are two different reactions, but both are examples of a person interpreting how someone else is treating them—recognizing if the behavior is unwelcome, dangerous, or allowed. You are also declaring that you do not want to be treated that way. There’s a mental pause, and we are stating our boundaries, defending our right to keep our boundaries, to be happy, safe, and protect our physical and psychological well-being. Let’s take a look at why this intoxicated person tripped our boundary lines. This is a stranger. A stranger is stepping into our personal space with them towering over you. When we are in a situation, especially in my example were sitting at a table, and if they are average height and we are lower because we are sitting. With this stranger leaning over us, it becomes a sheer intimidation factor. They’re asking us to do something we do not want to do, and asking us the first time is not an issue. It is when the stranger does not take your answer and move along. It’s an instant statement there you’re either not respected enough to be believed when you make a decision, you don’t know what you want or what’s good for you. So they will override your choice. Or they have more determination and strength to make you do what I want you to do. –Manipulation, controlling, and coercion techniques. Which can all cause compromises to self-confidence, feeling helplessness or shame, and anxiety. “Well, you’re just a bitch”. There we have, name-calling another form of coercion when they’re using bullying, restraining, or trying to dominate you. -You feel guilt that someone thinks that of you in that manner. You second guess your decision that maybe you were too quick to decide. “You’re not that hot.” Another example of bullying used to attack your self-esteem, and self-worth to browbeat you into doing what they want. Because insults, pathetic lines, or thinly veiled psychopath attempts will make people reassess the situation in the strangers’ favor. No! It usually throws up red flags, killing any slight legitimate shot they could have ever had. Grabbing your arm. Bullying, physically trying to force you to do what the stranger wants, and showing their strength to intimidate you further. Strangers My boundaries with a stranger. I will not allow them to step into my space. I will not allow them to try to change my mind using manipulation or bullying techniques. I will not allow them to gaslight my clear and accurate memories. I will not allow them to use name-calling to lower my self-esteem. I will not let someone touch me unpermitted. I will not allow someone to move me without my consent. When my boundaries are broken, I will recognize them, inform the individual, and defend my boundaries by physically giving myself space by stepping away from them a step or two, holding up my hand as a sign of stop, speaking my truth, and confronting them and then physically leave if necessary. We are usually capable of keeping our boundary lines secure and protect our physical and emotional well-being when dealing with strangers. Family When we deal with family members, our boundaries shrink. My mother calls me Piggly Wiggly, an unflattering nickname given to me at birth for my leg rolls. As I push towards 40 and I have never been overweight, I sure have had eating disorders. I have told my mother hundreds of times that I would prefer her not to call me by that nickname. But I will excuse her behavior because my mom is my mom. We allow family members to call us demeaning and shitty nicknames that do bother us. They are not respecting our boundaries. They know by this stage in the game that they are hurtful; they know it bothers you. Any continued use is to bully you and be cruel, and they are hitting you square in the self-worth and self-esteem center. When our children are little, and they are paraded around distant or estranged family members. These family members usually ask for a hug and kiss. Our child recoils, and they shy away. (A clear sign that they are uncomfortable and maybe lack the vocabulary to state their desires not to be touched.) We push them physically towards the strangers and tell them to do it. We are overriding their physical and emotional boundaries because we don’t want to rock the boat. Spouses When we’re dating someone. We can easily get caught up in situations where they call us names when they’re angry. Maybe they make fun of you with the desire to kneecap your self-esteem. They can gaslight your clear memories to again coerce you into second-guessing and lowering your faith in your abilities. These behaviors help with future manipulations.
Boundaries – what are they and why do we need them?
So I had a different topic slated for June, but with a series of unfortunate events, I decided we all needed to dive more into boundaries. Do any of the following statements resonate with you? I feel a little aggrieved at times with others, especially when they’re taking advantage. I do so much for others and it just gets thrown in my face. I feel hurt, irritated or angry when I ask for help or support and I get nothing back. I’m a people pleaser, I’m always agreeing to do things that I don’t really want to do. I just can’t say no. People just say what they like to me. I just take what people throw at me. The thought of standing up for myself makes me anxious. I don’t really have an opinion or stand my ground. I feel anxious around aggressive people. I’m afraid of conflict, it’s easier to just walk away. I often feel easily hurt or upset by other people’s comments or behavior. If you can relate to any of these comments, then it’s possible that you’re struggling to put healthy boundaries in place. But before your critical voice kicks in and you start being down on yourself for not having healthy boundaries, ask yourself why this might be. Certainly for me, boundary setting wasn’t on the curriculum when I was growing up. What exactly are boundaries? Boundaries are our personal limits in terms of how we will interact with others, how we expect to be treated by others and how we will respond if or when they ‘cross the line’. They are a set of expectations we set for ourselves in order to keep ourselves physically, emotionally and psychologically safe. Boundaries are very individual; mine might be different to yours. Your boundaries are very personal to you and they may differ depending on the circumstances or the people involved and based on your socialization, personal experiences, beliefs and opinions that make you who you are.
I want to change. Now what?
Did you take a spin at the Level 10 life printable? Realize there are a few aspects of your life that need to be improved? “Where do I start?” “Should I change all my habits tomorrow” “Should I pick up a process to streamline my……, but will it take months to implement and learn?” “What one thing can I do today that will change my life for the better?” When people arrive at the point where they look at their life and decide areas they don’t really like, they become irritated and frustrated. Eventually, they will either begin to change the way they are doing things. They will either grow or fall further and further into frustration and irritation until they no longer believe they can change. The shrug of the shudders and statmens like, “This is just the way life will be. My parents struggled with money, and I will struggle with money.” That is such a defeatist attitude. Growth and success is a choice you make. So when people ask me, “Where do I start?” I ask them if they have decided to change. People will seek out a coach when they are ready for change and decide to change. Without the decision to change, all the coaching in the world wouldn’t help them. So I ask, “Have you committed to change?” If the answer is a resounding “YES!” then I know that the person is coachable and ready to take some action steps towards a fulfilling and more wonderous life than the one they have. It doesn’t matter where you are in life or what level of success you have achieved until this point; if you want more, all you have to do is decide to change. A person can be unhappy about their love life but not low enough to make a change. It is hard seeing our loved ones go through fixable situations, but we have to remember it is not our lives. There is so much more to life than what you have right now. There is always more to experience, and you only need to decide that you will change! Change can come into our lives as a result of a crisis, choice, or chance. In any situation, we are all faced with making a choice – do we make the change or not? We cannot avoid unexpected events in our lives. What we can control is how we choose to respond to them. It is our power of choice that enables us to activate positive change in our lives. Acting on our power of choice provides us with more opportunities to change our lives for the better. The more options we create to change our lives, the more fulfilled and happier our lives become. These are my top ten ways to get the ball rolling on making a change in your life. Do them in any order, or you can choose one and never do the rest.I will be going over these ideas in the following months. Find Meaning Create a Dream Board Set Goals Let Go of Regrets Do Something That Scares You Start Living a Well-Balanced Life Face Your Fears Accept Yourself Live in the Moment Experience the Joy of Learning The Bottom Line You have a choice to make as to how you want to change your life. Choosing to act on these ten things will help you get started as you seek to improve various areas of your life. Go at it with a positive attitude and remember that change takes time. Life starts when you decide to change! Manifest in the Midwest
