There was a time when generations of families lived in the same cave, making going home for the holidays a ‘no-brainer.’ But it did not take long for people to start exploring new lands, and moving away from Mom and Dad became the norm rather than the exception.
Today, people move many time zones away from their familial home for many reasons: jobs, love, an itch to see new places, etc.
But many of us needed to put some mileage between us and the family. We get along much better in small doses, preferably by phone or email, with an occasional FaceTime.
That doesn’t mean that we don’t love our parents….but the truth is that there is a reason that we live a 5-hour plane trip away, making casual visits pretty much impossible.
Unfortunately, we often try to forget this reason when the holidays come around, and we see our friends excitedly making plans to head home. We feel like something must be wrong with us and that we have no desire to spend hundreds of dollars fighting the traveling herds to head home.
And the guilt starts to sink in…there must be something wrong with me that I don’t want to go home to see my family. It’s the holidays, and I should be home with my family, right?
RIGHT??
No, not suitable unless you WANT to be home with your family.
You’re an adult now, and you have a right to spend time with the people you WANT to spend your time with. It would help if you never spent time with ANYONE – whether they share your DNA or not – unless you want to.
Instead of feeling guilty about not going home for the holidays, sit down and list the good and bad memories you have from your last visit home. Be honest. Be brutal.
Two critical questions:
How much do you dread going home?
How long does it take to recover your sense of self-worth?
How long does it take to return to your regular workflow when you get home?
These are critical issues for the entrepreneur: we usually have no one but ourselves to answer to and no one but ourselves to keep us motivated.
If your family disapproves of or denigrates your core means of supporting yourself – how does that impact you when you have to deal with it in person?
You may be better off, emotionally and financially, by not going home for the holidays. A short visit after the first of the year, when the expectations are lower, and the stress is less, may be healthier for all involved.
But as we all know – making the decision is only one small part of the process. Calling home and facing the ensuing guilt trip is the most significant part where most of us cave. I admit to resorting to the end-of-the-year work crunch (crazy clients, new clients, last-minute changes) simply because it is easier than revealing the truth – I simply don’t want to be there with them.
But the point is, I have decided to stop feeling guilty about it. I moved away from home for a reason – daily contact with my family is unsuitable for me, my self-esteem, or my business. Instead, I enjoy the holidays with my friends (there are more people like us than you may think!), doing what I want to do instead of what I feel obligated to do.
It’s become a time of regeneration, self-care, and renewal rather than recovery and self-doubt, as it was for most of my life.
So stop packing that suitcase…no guilt trip this year, ok?
