Anxiety, the thief of mental peace
And what about the feelings that this state suggests to you? Have you found yourself thinking and projecting something that is just about to happen but doesn’t depend on you to change the course of its direction? Have you realized that you can lose focus on the present because your mind is projecting a future that does not happen yet? Quite often, being anxious is an unconscious state, but if we become aware of how much energy we spend on this state of being, we can re-directed our attention for what really matters: the present. And aware of this present, where everything happens, we can control our attention to performing what really depends on us to achieve the desired goal. The process isn’t simple, but it is possible, and this is the challenge that Coaching intends to support you to overcome. If we do not have control over our thoughts, our mind can bring us to a state of restlessness where we don’t explore most of our potentialities. To address your attention for what is really important to you is one of the benefits of a coaching relationship. Furthermore, Coaching offers you a space to grow and to reflect on your priorities. By ourselves is quite hard to separate enough time to translate all of our dreams and aspirations into practical action, even because while we don’t express those thoughts, they are just ideas in our minds. To understand more about this phenomenon of self-realization, we need to talk, verbalize and share those ideas to allow them to become real possibilities. Therefore, this professional interaction will help you organize your ideas, considering your reality and available resources, to create an action plan that will inspire you to create a positive attitude towards your goals. Finally, you will realize that the same energy you spent being anxious you can now spend being productive. Cognitive Behavior Approach to Recognizing Destructive Patterns I want to borrow from the cognitive-behavioral classification of negative thought/emotional patterns because these categories are easily recognizable in both anxiety and depression. Recognition of your habitual patterns is a key factor in learning how to face anxiety and depression consciously. These habitual reactions and thought patterns include: Polarized Thinking all-or-nothing thinking: viewing the world in absolute, black-and-white terms often associated terrible childhoods, e.g., unloving or otherwise abusive parents Filtering disqualifying the positive: rejecting positive experiences by insisting they “don’t count” for some reason often associated with negative mothers Automatic negative reactions having habitual, scolding thoughts parents who constantly scolded or judged Catastrophizing magnifying or minimizing the importance of an event: making a bigger deal about a specific event or moment repeated exposure to disappointment by a trusted caregiver Over-generalization drawing overly broad conclusions from a single event Personalization taking things too personally or feeling actions are specifically directed at you Jumping to conclusions immediately judging a situation without reflection Control fallacies external control fallacy: we are helpless victims (I can’t help it! syndrome) internal control fallacy: we are responsible for how others feel (did I do something wrong? syndrome) childhood and family relationship issues Fairness fallacies judging everything in terms of fairness childhood and family relationship issues Blaming holding others responsible for how we feel about ourselves never feeling loved by primary caregivers Shoulds imposing our particular rules on others terrible injustices suffered as a child Emotional Reasoning buying into what you feel about reality when it may not be the truth about reality: I feel stupid, so I am stupid. They didn’t invite me because they hate me. lack of development in the thinking function Global Labeling generalizing a few qualities into a global, hyper-emotionally charged negative judgment: someone you don’t like is automatically a jerk Always being right striving to prove you are right/getting the last word Reward/Punishment expecting sacrifice and denial to payoff or scorekeeping unresolved religious conflicts Shift That Anxiety It has become prevalent for women to suffer from an anxiety disorder at some point in their life. Sometimes it can be situational: your husband loses his job, you get downsized, your child goes off to college, or your real estate business has been affected by the economic crisis. Some women suffer from panic attacks that are unprovoked and occur for no particular reason. Other women have generalized anxiety because of their mindset. They see the glass as half empty, or they are waiting for the other shoe to fall. Are you the type of person who lets fears and anxieties permeate your existence? Maybe your life is going well, but you worry too much to be able to enjoy it. Perhaps your past keeps you from living in the moment and enjoying the here and now. Regardless of the type of anxiety that you might suffer from….you can utilize some skills that will assist you in managing it. How do you reduce it? Well, you may not know this, but it is impossible to have 2 simultaneous thoughts at the same time. Therefore you can learn to shift your anxiety with an alternative and balanced thought, greatly reducing it. I worked with a young mother who feared for her daughter’s health. She constantly fretted that her daughter would become ill because she was exposed to other children’s germs. She created a more realistic thought that reminded her that the germs would strengthen her immune system. This greatly reduced the anxiety. These next 7 mindset shifts will give you an understanding that even though life isn’t always fair, it doesn’t mean that you can’t still be happy. 1. Accept That Life is a Challenge I’m going, being honest…life is challenging — being an adult is far from being easy. This is a fact that we have to face our reality and learn how to adjust to it. Once I started to really (REALLY) comprehend and accept this reality, my anxiety triggers diminished. Before, I used to ask myself “why” all the time. “Why” is this happening to me? “Why” can’t things be different? “Why” does life
